Secret Sunshine

For those of you who don’t know me that well, I am a very private person.  I don’t easily share my thoughts and feelings freely, I keep them locked up for a select few who I feel are genuinely interested in what I have to say.  I’m not one who talks just to exercise my Temporomandibular joint.  (I thought I would never get to use that word again after my A&P class.  Ha!) 

I’ll admit, at times it can be a bit overkill.  I know that I shouldn’t assume on other’s behalves when they are or are not interested in my tales.  This is something I am working on.  If you want to talk, talk.  Simple as that.  Stop worrying if people care.  Stop worrying that your stories aren’t told as elaborately as some.  Stop caring so much what others think.  Just be you.

I do, however, love sharing things that are going on in my life by blogging.  It’s like a win win for me.  I can share my stories and pictures, and the only people who ‘have’ to read it are the ones that ‘want’ to.  There!  Problem solved.

There’s just one little tiny problem.  I don’t know who is following my journey.  My blog host has some really neat statistics about the blog; such as how many hits I get every day, and what countries my audience lives in.  It even tells you search terms that has drawn a reader to the blog, in addition to much more crafty information.  It’s great!  What it doesn’t tell me, is WHO the reader is.  Is it my neighbor?  My future husband?   My mom?  My Boss?  My elementary school classmate?  My ex boyfriend’s mother?  My Scottish insurance broker? (You know who you are!)

And so I find myself compelled to sensor what I say.  What if my employer sees that I’m working 3 jobs, and they get the impression I don’t need them? (I do, trust me!!)  Or my mom sees the pictures of my new house, and realizes I don’t wash my dishes as often as I say I do.  What if I over-serve myself at an island pirate party, and my GRANDMA finds out??

In the back of my mind, I know I would simplify so many things if I just let that all go.  Wrap my arms tight around myself, and love who I am and appreciate what I am doing for myself, and not worry about the other things I cannot control, like what people think.  What if I am just me?

I think I’ll try it.  Because, at the end of the day, I like me pretty well, and I bet (most) of you will too.